Today started off as a crappy day. I mean it was one of those days where I needed a moment before entering my shrine room to pray because I just didn’t know what to pray for. It started as one of those days where you wake up and just feel out of yourself. Nothing feels solid or concrete. It was almost like I was watching myself fumbling around carrying out my morning routine. After a minute or so, I was able to pray and I gained some clarity. There are things that are floating around in my mind, somewhere between conscious and subconscious. The kind of things/ situations that you stick on the back burner and let simmer while you tend to more pertinent things/ situations. You know all along that they are there because you can smell their brew but your hands are full with other things/ situations. There is a thin line between slow cooking and negligence. I was bordering on negligence and my inner spirit was like “Umm, sis. You had better tend to this before something is burned or ruined.”
Now, it took me a while to get there. It took some self talk. It took a petty argument with my husband over semantics. It took some tears while listening to old songs. It took a few episodes of trashy television playing in the background while I played games on my phone. Then some more self talk. Finally I grew the courage to confront me. I was ultimately the things/situations that had to be dealt with.
Sometimes when we get hurt, we automatically think of ourselves as weak and we tend to fall into weak behavior and thoughts. We forget that it takes tremendous strength to truly care for someone enough that we stand vulnerable and naked before them. Being more concerned with self righteousness than compassion is the epitome of weakness and has no legitimate place in the intimacy of our inner being and higher consciousness.
I was faced with these truths as I sat on the side of my bed in quiet reflection. I had a decision to make. I could turn towards the goodness and truth of spirit that I was guided to see. I know that love and acceptance are my strength. I gain absolutely nothing by focusing my attention on someone else being broken and hurting themselves. It is wisdom to know that people are people. We are all capable of darkness, mistakes and missteps but we are all deserving of forgiveness and love. That is my truth. That is what I must obey in my life. There is no harm in me loving another human even if our things/ situations are never spoken of or resolved. Life doesn’t always give us the time to do that. It does allow for me to want the highest of blessings for everyone because what else could I possibly want for any life if not that? This is what will truly render peace for me.
So I pulled those things/ situations from the back burner. I dumped out what needed to be dumped out from my own heart. I salvaged what I could in my own mind. I washed the pots they brewed in and I placed them somewhere clean and safe. I placed them at the feet of my Orisa. I know that there they will serve as health and nourishment for me. Ase.
Ifayinka 