Author: Ifayinka

All we wanted to do was to honor him. I was never against anyone. I was for unity and love and honoring what was and is true. Although I now understand that by being for that, I positioned myself in a way where I was seen as an enemy, because to the spirit and agenda of divisiveness, I was. I know now just how the agenda was necessary for us to see ourselves, see our truth. No matter the road we take to arrive at a place of truth, we certainly will arrive. Oro Esu.

I now understand that I was hasty in my judgement and arrogant in thinking my way of resolve was superior. Therefore I made the mistake of involving myself in the warfare of others.

He instructed me early on, to love the people and let them live. Unknowingly and ignorantly, I did not listen. I didn’t want to believe where the hearts of the people were, so I tried to persuade them to change their hearts because it made me uncomfortable. I tried to influence them to see him as I saw him, an impossible feat because no two relationships are the same. If we are to live in truth, and move in a place of love, we have to acknowledge what is, regardless of how it presents itself, no matter how uncomfortable it may be for us. The hurt I suffered was through my own hands. I could have chosen to accept what I was being shown. However, in choosing to fight the spirit, I only fed it’s intensity. 

When he left this earth, I was left alone to face the reality of myself and my choices. 

It was in the middle of the night when I had my awakening. I was told to flee. 

Therefore I fled. I was instructed to sacrifice everything I felt was mine to give. I quietly sacrificed. You cannot take from someone who has already given everything that can be given.

I was not put in the position to play on the fence, or jump to conclusions, or take sides.

I never returned physically or spiritually, as it was clear to me that he was no longer there and I was no longer welcome.

So I was empty, and left to feel the truth. I was left to feel the strength in what could never be seized. I was left to tend to the wealth that had been given to me through inheritance, blood and spirit. I was left to nurture and grow that. I was left to demolish the lofty ideas of unity and togetherness. I had to live. I had to breathe.

I was fortunate in having the blessing of quiet isolation from all of it, and a sacred space to take my hurt and tears. I was fortunate to have the blessing of guidance, correction, and introspection of my heart and my spirit. I was fortunate to be carried by the wisdom of Ifa, and the healing waters of Osun. Eepa Ifa!!! Ore Yeye Osun!!

I can no longer be harmed because I have learned to love the people, and let them live in their truth as I live in mine. Ase

Wealth is not only money and material possessions.


The aspect of wealth that I am inclined to focus on today is the wealth of children. We hear that having many children is a form of wealth, and when we hear this, sometimes what comes to mind is that, oh, I have many children which means they’ll be able to carry me on. I’ll live for a long time through them. The more children I have, the more possibility of my legacy to grow….etc. While all of these things are certainly a possibility, It’s not the only way our wealth manifests through our children.

What I have come to understand as a mother of many children, is that the blessing of wealth is gifted to us from our children. 

 


Our children can be our most effective teachers. They have an uncanny way of showing us ourselves. Because of the bond that we have with our children. We are intuitively programmed to pay instinctive attention to them. We are paying attention to them in a way that we don’t pay attention to other people or things in our lives. Sometimes, even including ourselves. Often our intuition guides us to know when there is harm, danger, or neglect. Also we know when their spirits are well nourished, when they are genuinely happy and thriving. 


For some of us, it is our children who through whom we gain understanding of love outside of ourselves. Our children have a way of presenting us with the choice of seeing ourselves through the lens of honesty, and having the courage to question or change if necessary the things that do not serve us or our lineage.


With each child we are blessed with, we are given the opportunity to understand something different about life. We love each one of our children completely and differently, with that complete love, we learn new ways of relating. We learn how to be effectively compassionate through those children. When we are blessed with many children, we are capable of embracing many different ways to love. We gain an abundance of understanding. We gain an abundance of love. Therefore we gain an abundance of wealth.

I recently learned a very important lesson about myself. We know the small personal battles we fight and win each day. Our work isn’t only prayers and rituals. Our battles are not always initiated by forces outside of ourselves. What I love about Ifa practice, is understanding that the true work is the inner work we are continuously presented with. We are challenged to change our perspective, listen to our inner voice of reason, and develop our character to the point where anything that is outside of balance is corrected.

Due to past experiences, I developed a habit of leaving the door open for disruption, failure, hurt, disappointment, and negativity in most situations. So when Ifa spoke to me about seeing negativity in my path, I immediately started looking for the possible culprits. I began to question what harm I should prepare for this time? A broken relationship? A severed friendship? Betrayal? Death? Sickness? Loss? Now as I am going down this road of possibilities in my own mind, I completely omitted that I was not told that ANY of the above mentioned situations were in my path. As a matter of fact, I was given a message of blessings and assured that all would be well. 

Here is the thing, sometimes we just have to sit back, shut up, and watch The Divine work. I was faced with a situation, and the circumstances around the situation were a bit unusual but not blatantly outside of the box of possibly normal. I immediately went into a place of defense and panic. I assign the situation as this negativity that Ifa saw and go to my husband with my concerns. My husband responds by asking me “Didn’t Ifa show you that everything was going to be fine?” Since I am not a fan of taking his words and advice lightly, I took a pause in my way of thinking and considered that even if this felt like a less than favorable situation, I should trust that I was going to come out on the other side of it just fine. So I started to tell myself to calm down and just bring what I wanted to see in the situation. So I decided to bring coolness, lightness, laughter, generosity, and love with me in this uncomfortable situation. I began to feel the negativity melt from me and what I perceived as a possible harm was actually a blessing that came to me. A little while after the situation had passed, I was reflecting and understood that the negativity that Ifa saw was inside of me. It was the fear I fed, the thoughts I created. Sometimes we allow negativity to cloud our sense of reason and judgement. Sometimes we forget that death, sickness, loss, betrayal, and brokenness are part of the human condition, and that we are not meant to live in fear of these things. Knowledge of their existence is one thing, but even better is understanding how to face them in a healthy way when they come. If we listen to the guidance of Ifa, we will always be able to do just that.

So I sit here now, grateful for the blessing and opportunity to see myself and live another day to make healthier choices. I sit with gratitude for a husband who walks hand in hand with me, and always speaks to my spirit to help me find my way back down to earth when my head is in the sky. I sit in gratitude for Ifa, Divine Wisdom, the voice of Olodumare. The truth is always there, we just have to open our eyes and look at it. Ase!

She was just a young dancer at the time. It was a wonder that her mother allowed her to take part in the dancing since it had nothing to do with the church, but an older woman from the community saw her potential and promised her mother that she would look after her. She joined the other young women who danced and took pride in their African Heritage. She did not know at the time that the majority of the blood moving through her body originated in West Africa. This isn’t something that was taught in the colonized institution of education, and certainly not something her mother had knowledge of or felt was important. Her mother was a Christian woman and because she lost her own parents at such a young age, she held tightly to the teachings of the church. After all it was the church folk who took her mother in as family and cultivated her mother as a good and wholesome woman. There was no room for anything else, especially the old African ways. They were thought to be wicked in nature. 

It would be many years before the importance of what was lost could be realized, but as she danced she could feel it in her soul. Her spirit was buried deep in the rhythm of the drum, and it spoke to her and taught her how to move with it. As a dancer, she was exposed to people who took pride in the culture. They were feeling the call to reconnect to their West African roots through drum and dance. When a cultural instructor at a local university was visiting from West Africa, he named her Kalia, “This is your African name” he told her.

Her first love was a drummer. Her connection to him was immediate and intense. He was familiar to her in a way that could not be expressed in words. They expressed their connection with each other best through their understanding of the drum and the dance. Like a magnet, they were drawn to each other and with intent and purpose, created life of their own. She danced to the rhythm of his drum as this life grew in her womb. As destined, a daughter was born. As a breech baby, that daughter nearly took her life, but her strength could not be broken. Her dance with her African ancestors carried her to rebirth, so they named their daughter Kalia in honor of their love and their bond. She lifted the newborn Kalia into the air to show her gratitude, and begged The Creator to guide Kalia and look after Kalia. “She is a gift that I give back to you.” she sincerely prayed, and so the journey began. 

It would take me, Kalia, forty five years to return to our home, Mother Africa. 

I write this in honor of my beloved mother. In honor of her innocence. In honor of her youth. In honor of her strength. In honor of her vitality. In honor of her obedience. In honor of her dance of life, which was not always graceful but was always true. I write in honor of the love from which I was conceived and born. I write in gratitude for my ancestors who have always been there carrying me and guiding me just as my mother prayed they would. Ase

I remember it well, we were living in Philadelphia at the time. A small and very old apartment home. There was no porch and there was no yard, which was fine with me because I kept my children close. They stayed inside the house with me, where I could see and supervise them at all times. I agreed to move into this house because it only had two steps. No staircase for little ones to fall down or have trouble climbing. Every decision made had to consider them, even renting a house. I sat in the middle of our modest bathroom floor putting paste on each toothbrush and lining them on the sink. One by one the children came for me to brush their teeth for them, I remember the ritual well. “Open wide, head back, eeeeee, ahhhhhh, now stick your tongue all the way out, here is your water, rinse rinse rinse, okay now spit in the toilet so Mommy can flush all those germs away. It was early in the morning and I was already exhausted. They were pottied, washed, dried, lotioned, dressed, fed, teeth were brushed, and heads were combed. All done by me, Mommy. In the mornings, we learned our numbers and how to spell in English and Arabic.

There were five of them now, and the oldest had just turned seven years old.

As I sent them out of the bathroom to play in their bedroom which was right outside of the bathroom, I sat and felt the tears roll down my cheeks. In that moment as I observed my sweet little children playing, I felt overwhelmed with emotion, responsibility. I couldn’t remember the last time I had spoken to an adult besides my husband. I couldn’t remember the last time I had enjoyed a long walk alone, or a long country car ride. My days were filled with one task right after the other. It felt like there was no break in between. I felt I was constantly changing diapers, breastfeeding, bathing, escorting people to the bathroom, washing their hands, teaching the prayers for entering the bathroom, and exiting the bathroom, getting snacks, teaching manners, preparing meals, doing laundry, reading books, cleaning messes, playing, breaking up toddler fights, and cuddling. All while making sure I was cleaning my own self, praying five times a day and learning verses of The Quran in Arabic, sewing our clothes, keeping my house clean and my husband satisfied. 

The emotions were getting the best of me that morning and my sobs were getting louder. My husband walks into the bathroom, slowly shuts the door behind him, kneels down next to me, and he says “Bebe, What happened? What’s wrong?” “Nothing is wrong.” I replied. “I just wish one of these kids knew how to brush their own teeth!”

As I am now blessed to experience most of my children as adults, I am so proud of them. They are the gems and joy in my life. I often remember the many moments spent doing my very best to make sure they were well taken care of when they could not care for themselves. There were times I am sure I overlooked and neglected things that may have been important to them. When you are the mother of many children often you are spread so thin, it feels like there just isn’t enough time in one day to get it all done. I know that I made many mistakes along the way, as they were growing up, so was I. There were many times I went to bed at night praying for forgiveness for the things I missed or didn’t attend to properly. They remained my hope and motivation each day I was blessed to open my eyes. What I understood sitting on that bathroom floor over twenty years ago, was that I was pouring all I had into my babies, and I was wondering at that moment if it was worth it. I have since then learned how to find ways to replenish while giving. For me, being a mother is being a vessel that always finds a way to nurture and nourish by attending to with love and understanding. From the moment of conception until forever. I have come to realize that it is worth every moment.

One of my most difficult struggles is showing compassion when I feel as if someone is acting outside of my box of reasonability. I have to talk myself through the impulse to call out what I see or feel is bullcrap, and remind myself of all the times I have wallowed in the lakes of manipulation, control, selfishness, inconsideration, hostility, aggression, and foolishness.

This is part of the work that confronts me often. The more I take the time to work through my tendency to jump to a conclusion and step back from my place of superiority and assumption, I begin to clear my thoughts and try to see the situation from both sides. I find I actually learn something that I truly did not have knowledge of before. I find that coolness comes to my spirit and I desire to be of help to uplift, comfort, engage, resolve, and assist. How I perceive the situation becomes less of a priority and I am able to hear, see and feel beyond words and emotions. I am able to see truth without feeling the need to categorize it. I allow the truth to influence my judgement

For me, It takes the quiet to enter the place of compassion. It takes truly listening. It takes being willing to place myself aside and feel something outside of myself. For me compassion is truly one of the blessings of life. Compassion is not folly. Compassion is not feeling sorry for someone. Compassion is not finding a way to agree with someone or placing ourselves in their shoes. Compassion is being able to hear the voice of truth, feel the warmth of truth, see the light of truth so that we can embrace truth and move in its goodness.

May we walk in the light and warmth of compassion. May it teach us to be kind and judge with wisdom. May the goodness of truth be our guide. May we realize what is for us and what is not for us. May we exercise compassion with ourselves and with others. Ase

I couldn’t take it anymore. As strong as I believe I am, I needed a break. I needed a break from COVID19 vaccine controversies, police murdering black folks, murder and violence in general, political opinions and agendas, solicitation of products and services from errbody, young people dying left and right, open display of self absorption, anger, hatred, manipulation and shame. It was just too much for me to take into my being every single day, by choice. Although there were very inspiring and uplifting posts as well, I realized it took one article, one flash of violence, one bitter outrage to shift me into a place I would have to dig myself out of.  I was hurting myself.  I found myself unable to pull away because it isn’t that I don’t care about these things, I would often find myself in tears after reading a post or news article. The issue for me is that in many ways social media and media in general for the most part, is a place to vomit out into the atmosphere with no attempt or desire to resolve or heal. 

I was looking for a way to address and process and had to come to the realization that there would be no processing unless I closed the application and did that work in the real world. You know, the world I actually live in where there are people who are interested in having conversations that uplift and resolving issues that we are faced with. The world where I can be of assistance to someone in my community by being an ear, a helping hand, or giving something that is needed. The world where I can care for my elders and hear their wisdom. The world where I show appreciation for the young by encouraging them and spending time with them. The world where I continue to build and strengthen my relationship with The Divine through quiet reflection, prayer and ritual. The world where I take the time to feel the power of nature in all the ways I interact with it. It is where I need to be right now. 

My work is building a spiritual fortress for my grandchildren on the foundation that was laid by those who came before me. A fortress of commitment to healing the trauma and brokenness, freedom that is true and responsible, serving with compassion, and understanding with wisdom. One thing is for certain, we will all transition from this life as we know it. So once you have collected the gems that were left for you, take the time to pass them on because they are not meant to go with us and our time here is limited. I couldn’t justify the time I was spending with this screen in my face.

Although I will return to this space, I am fortified in my belief that it is best for me to spend little time in it. I am strengthened in my resolve to continue to use my tiny voice here to be one of encouragement by sharing goodness. I will do my best to interact with people in the  space of Social Media and the Virtual World as I would in the world I actually live in, with kindness and consideration. I have much gratitude for those who do the same. Taking a break for spiritual maintenance every once in a while is a good practice for me.

I don’t know of life without some form of struggle. We are constantly faced with deciding how to manage the difficulties. Many years ago, when it felt like I was facing hardship after hardship without a break in between, I learned this prayer of gratitude. It has helped me to focus on the reason why I must continue to live regardless of the difficulties I face. It is a reminder to me to always know that there is goodness in all things and if I haven’t found it, that is because it has not yet been revealed to me.

After my third divorce, my world was shattered. Here I was with six children, I had no job and little formal education because I spent my teenage and young adult years being a wife and a mother. I went from having a home of my own to living with extended family. Although I did an excellent job of taking care of my children, I felt I had nothing to show for myself in the world. I believed that I had no value and considered myself a failure because my expectation of being married was dissolved. Its funny how we can care so much about how things appear to be and lose focus on how they are. The reasonable thing was to realize that my children were looking up to me and depending on me to be okay, but for a while I was just bitter and becoming more bitter as the days passed. It was someone who loved me dearly that noticed my growing bitterness and encouraged me to stop looking at what I felt was missing, focus on what I had, and to appreciate that. At this time, all I had were my children. These six little people, who didn’t care anything about a failed marriage or what level of education I had. They were just there with me each day ready and willing to be loved and cared for, ready to reciprocate love. So I began to speak aloud what I was grateful for. I would say things like “We do not have a car so we are walking today, but my babies are clean, and they are fed, and they are healthy. I am grateful and I am blessed. “

This new way of facing struggle changed how I faced the most difficult parts of my life. I practiced until it became habit. I learned to always look for the love and to find something to be grateful for. The more appreciative I am, the more blessed I am because I am choosing to acknowledge my blessings. I am choosing to acknowledge that goodness is present even if it takes me time to embrace it.

So here is my prayer…

May I always find where the love is. For love is life, and in all things, all situations, and all people. May I never lose sight of the goodness that is in my life. No matter the struggle, no matter the hardship, I am blessed. I am loved, I am necessary and essential in this life. There is always something to be grateful for. Ase

May I know and understand that when I come to my sacred space, it is important to cleanse my mind, spirit and body so that I enter clean and bring only truth.

May I understand that this is ritual. This is a time for me to give all of my care and attention to my intention.

May I come with a sincere heart.

May I come with a mind devoted to what needs to be done.

May I come with a spirit that is open and willing. Ase

I decided that for my next journey around the sun, in the spirit of sharing the practice of prayer, that I would share a few of them here. Welcome to My Prayer Practice Series.

Before my eyes open, may I embrace the new day with thankfulness. May I take the time to re-enter my material body with gratitude for each part that serves me. May I take deep breaths and wiggle my toes. May I take the time to lay with my thoughts and dreams before I engage anyone else’s. May I remind myself of my free will and give thanks to Olodumare for life, and to my Ori for choosing to continue on this journey for another sunrise. Ase!